In Which It Begins

In a cute little apartment on main street in a cute little town, I live between the cute little mountains in a cute little valley in western North Carolina.

This is what it looked like on day 3

When Tom and I first moved into our apartment, the only furniture we had was a kitchen table, a couple of chairs, and a cot. Both of us had previously lived with roommates whose belongings completely furnished our respective apartments. In the effort to make our new space seem livable and homey, we added many, many things and in a way, we succeeded. It looks like people live here now.

We had finally been given the chance to make a space where we could showcase our personalities. And what was where the problem began. Our personalities were everywhere, in every nook and cranny of our apartment, and it all looked like mismatched and cluttered discord.

I considered minimalism.

Naturally, after a lot of self-reflection due to learning more about this lifestyle, I’ve remembered that my happiest times were centered around stretches when I had very few things with me. On trips with my family, I found a lot more happiness when I was interacting with others and then retiring with a book. (I am very introverted. Too much time with others is mentally exhausting for me.) When I am on those trips, I don’t end up packing much more than some clothes and a couple of things to do with my extra time.

Three years ago, I spent a summer living out of my car. The possessions that I brought with me included the same essential things: books, clothing, and things that I could use to write. During this time, I focused almost exclusively on my relationships with others and my love of creating.  These are the times that I consider to be pivotal moments of my adulthood and they are feelings that I associate with living with less.

My partner and I had filled and were pouring out of our home and we needed to make a real change. I decided that I this is what I needed for myself, and after we talked about it, he decided to follow my example. On the surface, it’s all very simple. I decided that there was too much stuff, so I got rid of it, but I wouldn’t uproot my entire way of living just so that I could make things prettier. I had needed more of a reason than that.

Most of you know the same struggle that has led me to the journey that I am undertaking. 350 million people around the world have depression and I am only one of them. Those of us who are able tend to be willing to sacrifice a lot in order to improve our lot. Those of us who are not able are sacrificing a lot as well. This is something I could go on and on about as someone with a history both undergoing and providing mental health treatment.

I’ve tried adding things to my life in the attempt to make it more fulfilling for years, and sometimes those things worked. I added more books to my life and reading made me happier. I added more varied food to my diet and I felt happier and healthier. I added more hobbies and learned a lot about a few more areas. Tom and I have a collection of over 300 books. While reading them made me happier, trying to find a space for them on one of our eight fully-flushed bookshelves did not.

My readings list from 2015

I probably spent hundreds of dollars on books last year and there are entire bookshelves in the house that I never reference.

My depression was no longer aided by adding things into my life. I decided to start subtracting things. At this point, I have been in the process of culling and donating many of my possessions in the effort to begin living as the best type of minimalist that I can be.

That being said, it’s important to specify that I am not using minimalism as a treatment for my mental illness, but as a way of improving my character, my financial situation, and as a way of working toward my life goals. This isn’t a blog about being depressed. It’s a blog about learning something new through experience. Everything else that happens will just be a side effect.

Through research about others experiences with minimalism, I’m learning that changing my consumptive lifestyle doesn’t mean that I have to be in the business of denying myself wants or needs, but practicing gratitude and logic in ways that I have always found valuable.

What I am in the business of is making a change.